
A new school year is an exciting time for children, marked by fun traditions like new haircuts and fresh school supplies. School also serves as an important avenue for stability in a child’s life.There are a number of practical strategies divorced and separated parents can use to create a positive experience for their children while minimizing the negative effects that can come from changing family dynamics.
Review Your Parenting Plan
First and foremost, make sure you know the terms of your parenting plan. Back-to-school is a good time to review your judgment and any post-judgment issues that may have been resolved during the previous school year. Most parenting plans include provisions that will guide your actions during the school year and determine who pays back-to-school expenses like extracurricular activities or school uniforms. You can also decide whether the school needs copies of any documents related to your domestic situation. In cases where there are restrictions on one parent, it’s important for the school to know what the court has set as parameters. Those who have joint legal custody need to keep in mind that the other parent must be included in education-related decisions.
Keep Schools In-The-Loop and Up-To-Date
It is essential to partner with your child’s school and keep them updated on important information about changed family dynamics. Noncustodial parents should be aware of their rights under ORS 107.154, and may need to remind the school of their right “to inspect and receive school records and to consult with school staff concerning the child’s welfare and education.” For school forms, make sure to clearly identify each of the legal parents with correct names and contact information. If there are stepparents involved, label them appropriately as well. For younger children, it may be helpful to let the school or classroom teacher know the names the child prefers to use to refer to parents and stepparents. Finally, remember to update the school of any changes in information, such as phone numbers, emails, and mailing addresses throughout the year.
Maintain Communication with Your Co-Parent
Be Clear on Schedules. It’s difficult for ANY family to keep up with everything that happens during a school year. For recently separated or divorced parents, it can be especially difficult to adjust. When children start school, it is essential for both parents to know what the school year schedule looks like so that they can make transitions between households as smooth as possible. Unless there are safety issues, it benefits everyone to share your child’s schedule and corresponding needs (transportation, uniforms, supplies, etc.) as far ahead of time as possible. This should include in-school and after-school activities so that both parents can be aware of important dates and events, such as grading periods, exams, report cards, tryouts/auditions, dances or festivals, holidays, and more. Making sure everyone is on the same page reduces confusion and anxiety, paving the way for a much smoother school year ahead.
Leverage Today’s Technology. Technology can make co-parenting easier, especially sharing information and making plans. This is particularly useful for separated or divorced parents who may want to minimize contact for a variety of reasons. There are software apps for smartphones and computers that allow you to communicate with your ex in a controlled way. For parents who struggle with communication, some popular options include: Our Family Wizard, CoParenters, TalkingParents, WeParent, 2houses, Truce, and Google Calendar. To successfully use an app with an ex, it’s important to make sure not only that everyone has agreed upon what to use, but also how to use it. When creating a parenting plan, these terms can be added so that everyone is clear on expectations.
Plan for Emergencies and Unexpected Events. One aspect of co-parenting that often gets overlooked is what to do in case of emergencies, particularly related to school emergencies and unexpected school closures (think snow days!). Co-parents may want to decide who should be contacted when there is an emergency, closure, early release, or other unexpected school event and include this in their parenting plan. The discussion should include how these types of events might impact your parenting time and schedule, and what will happen if one parent needs to pick a child up outside of their scheduled time.
Prepare to Attend School Activities
As much as possible, prepare yourself mentally to attend school activities so that you can be there for your child in a positive, engaged manner. If parents fight every time they see each other, pre-planning can help keep this dynamic away from school events. For example, parents might alternate attending school activities, or they might map out the calendar of events and divide them up equally. Large events, such as football games, concerts, or graduation ceremonies might provide an opportunity for parents to attend at the same time, but with an agreement to sit on opposite sides of the audience. Parenting plans can include provisions that determine who attends a given school activity and when.
Parent teacher conferences can be a sticking point, as both parents likely want to be aware of a child’s progress. You can speak with your child’s teacher about options for conferences. They may be willing to have two separate conferences, although given the time constraints with large student caseloads, this may not always be possible. Another option would be to ask if a parent can attend remotely via telephone or virtually.
Going Forward with a Focus on Communication
While changes in the family dynamic have the potential to negatively impact children’s experiences at school, it is important to keep in mind that children are resilient! If you need help developing, interpreting, or modifying a parenting plan that prioritizes parental communication and active involvement, an experienced family law attorney at The Commons can help. Click here to learn more about our affordable family law pay-as-you-go coaching program and to fill out our family law intake form to get started with legal coaching services!